Seraphim

Alyssa took her hand across the table. Sera’s vision blurred then refocused.

“Do you love me?” Alyssa asked.

“Yes of course.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Same thing.”

“It’s not.”

⸻ 

Sera had loved her mother.

She had.

She had.

⸻ 

She had trusted her mother too.

When strange men had pounded on the door, Sera had started crying. Her mother had said it would be alright.

She had trusted her mother.

⸻ 

When her new mother had tried to light a fire in the fireplace, Sera cried for hours. At night she had dreams where she was coated in ash and flames licked her face.

⸻ 

In her dreams Oliver was in flames. He smiled at her.

Her mother wasn’t anywhere.

⸻ 

You only ever get one mother, Oliver told her, before he left. And once she’s gone you don’t get another.

Amy had two mothers. She was in my class.

When you’re born, you get two parents, he said. You don’t get any more.

I think you should be able to have a second mother, if you want.

She’s not your mother, Sera.

⸻ 

Her not-mother told her Oliver was going to stay with his grandparents. They didn’t want Sera. They’d never wanted Sera.

⸻ 

“I had a brother, too,” Sera said.

Alyssa let go of her hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“He’s not dead.”

⸻ 

Sera’s earliest memory was of her not-father yelling.

Think of your children, her mother had said.

Child.

Please don’t leave. Think of Oliver.

Sera listened from the stairs.

⸻ 

Her mother left and Oliver left too. His grandparents took him. They didn’t want Sera.

She wasn’t theirs.

⸻ 

Maybe he saw his father again.

Maybe he was happy.

⸻ 

The neighbors didn’t call 911 until the house was a burned out shell. The firemen found Sera sobbing in a neighbor’s bushes. Oliver was still lying in his ruined bed, not a burn on him. 

⸻ 

Sera remembered his smile the night before. Their mother had left that night, when the men came to the door.

Arson was suspected, but nobody could find the source.

Did Oliver burn down our house? she’d asked her not mother.

What?

⸻ 

Oliver smiled at her the night before, and told her that he would see his father soon.

Oliver smiled at her and the rescuers found him in the ruins of his bed, not a burn on him.

⸻ 

When the men pounded on the door Sera had cried and Oliver had smiled.

I’m going to see my father soon, he had said.

⸻ 

Alyssa looked at her across the table.

“Do you trust me?”

“No.”

⸻ 

Oliver’s father had named him. Sera’s mother had named her.

Seraphina means burning ones, her mother had said.

Flames licked Sera’s face.

A seraph is an angel, her mother had said. It is the highest rank of angel.

Sera fell 20 feet to the grass.

⸻ 

Who were the men? She’d asked her not-mother.

Which men?

The ones my mother left with.

Your mother died in the fire Sera. They found her body.

⸻ 

I love you, Sera said, and her mother smiled.

I love you, Sera said, and Oliver looked away.

“I love you,” Sera said, and a tear rolled down Alyssa’s cheek

⸻ 

It’s going to be alright, Sera, her mother had said. Don’t cry.

Oliver smiled at her. I’m going to see my father soon, he said.

⸻

Sera had trusted her mother.

“I don’t trust you, Alyssa. I’m sorry.”